Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know

18 Nov

*I have undertaken to be completely honest throughout this meme, and I will not deviate from that.  In certain cases, however, I will not disclose names or nicknames.  This is one such a case*

There is no-one in my life (outside of work) that I wish I didn’t know.  I may not be fast friends with all the people I’ve met, but everyone has added something to my life, whether it be in the form of life lessons, entertainment value or true friendship.

That said, there is a few people that I need to let go.  People who were friends, but who are almost strangers now.  I’ll only tell you about one today.

We met about 6 years ago.  She’d recently moved form the university town she’d lived in while studying.  She had family in the area and joined her cousin at a home-cell we had one evening.  I couldn’t quite decide if I liked her or not.  We chatted but never really clicked.   I saw her at social events and the like, but I had closer friends so I wasn’t too phased.

We remained acquaintances for a good two years before we finally started chatting on a regular basis.  When I say chatting, I mean literally that: chatting via instant messenger.  I had added her as a friend some time prior to this, but on this particular occasion another friend had pissed me off and I needed someone to talk to straight away…she was available and our friendship kicked off.

At first that was the majority of our contact.  We literally chatted every single day, saw each other on Thursdays when we had choir practice together, and on Sundays at church.  We became very good friends, eventually making a date to visit together every Monday night as well.  My world started revolving around seeing her.  She was the person I went to when I needed a shoulder to cry on, or when I needed to blow off steam.  She was always the voice of reason.

Then I got pregnant.  Suddenly I was too tired to stay out late and all I wanted to do was go home and go to bed early every night.  I felt that I needed to spend as much time as possible with my husband as these would be the last few months of it being just the two of us.  So I stopped the Monday night visits.

At first it wasn’t a big deal.  We still saw each other on Thursdays and Sundays, even though we didn’t have quite as much time to chat.  She was going through a very difficult time at work and I was avoiding most forms of online contact, so we only chatted occasionally.  When I did see her, she would tell me about some gathering she’d recently been to, or any new developments in her life.  More often than not, I would have no idea who the people were that she spent all her time with.  She normally met them via one of the various social media channels and made friends with them at whichever event was the highlight of the week.  I even laughed to myself about the whole thing, as she had always been VERY strict about her privacy and keeping her identity a secret.

Eventually I came to a point where I had other things to worry about, like being a new mom.  My daughter was my main focus and I stopped thinking about the fact that I barely saw my once close friend anymore.  Admittedly, when I did see her I always felt a pang of jealousy towards her new friends.  She no longer had a need for me.  If she was upset or wanted to have a night out, she had other friends who she could turn to.  I even felt hurt that she’d moved on so quickly.

Until I noticed a trend.  It took a couple of months (maybe even a year) before I realised that this was normal for her.  She would be friends with a group of people for a couple of months, then something would happen and she’d flit off to the next group.  Every time someone in the current group would be her bestest friend, but once the novelty wore off or a fight was had or whatever she would just move on to her next best friend.

Initially I got irritated about the whole business.  I couldn’t understand how people would trust her in such a short time.  She always seemed to know everything about everybody; worrying about whichever friend was going though a bad patch at the moment.   Don’t get me wrong, she rarely ever gave away a secret, but I did get annoyed at hearing that there was a secret in the first place.  It almost felt like she was rubbing it in my face that she knew something that I didn’t.

A few weeks I finally came to the realization that it didn’t matter anymore.  I finally figured out that I had also trusted her and let her into my life completely for a short while, but that I didn’t really know all that much about her.  She used to say how only her one friend really knew her (I believe they actually still have fairly regular contact), and I think I’ve finally realized that no-one will ever take that friend’s place.  She’ll always be the one who listens to and gives advice to anyone who needs it.  She will always be the innocent, ditzy, naive girl that everyone loves but no-one really knows.

So I’m letting her go.  I’m done holding on to a friendship that lasted only a season.  I’ll still be friendly to her, but I’m not going to go out of my way to tell her about important things in my life.  She’s regained close acquaintance status in my life.

And that’s okay.

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One Response to “Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know”

  1. Angel 27/12/2010 at 00:26 #

    Its a tough realisation to come to, and its a little sad too.

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