Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself

27 Oct

Follow my 30 days here.

This really isn’t a hard one to answer, sadly.

I hate how I look right now.  My body took quite a battering after my pregnancy (which was fairly easy in comparison).   Those of you who have gone to the trouble of wading through the sludge of my previous posts, will know that half my face got paralyzed the day before my daughter was born.  Its almost completely healed now, but I definitely don’t look the same as I did before the birth.

Since then, I’ve also found out that I have a condition called PCOS and as a result I’ve become insulin resistant.  Now I don’t know if I had this condition before I got pregnant, but it has had repercussions since then.  I constantly have people who come up to me and ask if I’m pregnant again.  I’m close to the weight that I was pre-pregnancy (I wasn’t in such great shape to begin with), but for some reason I still look pregnant.  About six months pregnant actually.  I even still wear maternity wear, purely because its more comfortable and it doesn’t stretch awkwardly across my post-preggie belly.

Of course, the problem with insulin resistance is how much harder you have to work to lose weight.  Normal diets won’t do the job, and my blood pressure (seriously, I hit the chronic condition jackpot here!) means that I can’t take any sort of supplement that contains stimulants.  So its the healthy diet and plenty of exercise route for me.  Which would work, if I had ANY time whatsoever.

This has had a very adverse effect on my self esteem.  I’ve stood in front of my closet bawling, having found nothing to wear and feeling very fat and unsexy.  I avoid clothing stores like the plague and I prefer not to look in mirrors if I can help it.

I am working on it though.  It will be a long and arduous journey, but I am determined to like my body again.  Though I suspect by then I’d have found something else that I hate about myself 😉

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4 Responses to “Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself”

  1. marieks 27/10/2010 at 16:40 #

    I know the feeling 🙂

  2. hardspear 28/10/2010 at 11:01 #

    my wife, lamb, goes through the same. She also has type II diabetes and trouble loosing weight. She is also down about it. She went to a naturopath / iridologist. he told her that her adrenal glands stopped working because of stress & pregnancy. He gave her herbal schtuff to drink. She’s slightly better.

  3. Ringo 02/11/2010 at 18:19 #

    Walk more. Stand more.

  4. Bridget 11/11/2010 at 23:09 #

    I have absolutely no excuse for sympathising with the weight loss problem because I have convinced myself that since there is absolutely nothing wrong with me I am a terrific slob who is forever outgrowing her wardrobe. I my eyes, your continuing to fight is inspiring.

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