I’ve never been someone to keep a journal, which is clearly evident in how often I update my online journal.
I’m the kind of person who needs encouragement to keep doing something. If I don’t feel like someone benefits from whatever it is that I’m doing at any given point, then I’m probably going to stop doing it. I battle to do things just for me, and this includes writing.
Writing is meant to be therapeutic because its a way to organise your thoughts and experiences and to log your memories.
For me, its something else.
For me, writing is a way to tell someone else how I feel, without having my emotions interfere. When I was younger, I would often write letters to my parents or boyfriends instead of talking to them about serious issues. I knew that talking to them would be an emotional affair, and I can’t think straight when I’m emotional.
The few times in my life where I’ve made a concious effort to pour my emotion into my writing, have been extremely draining on me. The few parts of my story that I’ve shared here always left me feeling depressed and broken for a day after writing them.
Its always been like this, and I want it to change.
I want my writing to reflect who I am. I want my emotion to be part of what I write. I want to document my memories and thoughts and I want it to be a therapeutic experience.
Mostly though, I want to do it for me.