Let me start by saying that my younger brother is hilarious (or at least I think he is), he also writes very well, even though he doesn’t think so. The only real outlet he has for writing is the Notes facility on Facebook. He wrote this note a month or so ago and I’ve decided that more people need to share in his humouristic genius. So Ringo, this is your note, whether you like it or not…
Writing Guidelines by Ringo
Learn to spell.
Then I’ll know it’s a language I can understand and I’ll keep reading.
Then I can read it and know it’s not a random collection of words.
Punctuation is required.
This helps prevent death from lack of oxygen when reading aloud.
Stop exaggerating so much.
Then I’ll believe you more of the time.
Don’t try to be funny with every single sentence.
About how empty, meaningless, materialistic, pessimistic, disloyal, ugly, dark, anguish filled, pretentious, fake and/or ‘plastic’ the world, the human race, the future, popular entertainment, them, they, me or your life is, has become and/or will be.
Writing about this has been done. You’re a sissy.
Use facts that are true.
If I know you’re lying or making it up, I’ll not be impressed.
LOL, ROFL, OMG, WTF, BRB etc.
Using any of the above mentioned abominations, or any other I didn’t list, will put you on my douche list.
Swearing can be fun.
It can also be gosh-darn irritating.
If a simile, metaphor or expression makes no sense, don’t use it.
“…pisses off…more than an Agro[sic] Eric Cartman on PMS showing you thoughts of impending end-of-the-world stigmata on a piece of pig rind…”
Criticism is just opinion.
Take it or leave it. Don’t fight it.
Disclaimer: There is no reason to follow these guidelines. I am not a writer and I didn’t study literature.
I’m going to be posting more of his work as he writes it. I’m very proud of my little brother and may even tell him what I’m doing (one day…..)