I’m back!!

I’ve finally managed to get internet at home, so I can finally start blogging again.

Of course I’m tremendously excited about this.

I’m also at a complete loss as to what I’m going to be writing about.

I’ve been out of the blogging loop for so long that I feel as if I’ve developed a mild case of writer’s block. I may resort to posting memes until I get my mojo back. (Or until I have something interesting enough to blog about)

First thing’s first though….I need to post a pic of my gorgeous daughter for you to admire.

See you soon!!

Phew, has it really been that long?  I suppose time really does fly, doesn’t it?

Let me give you a quick run-down of the last two months:

I went on annual leave on the 30th of June. I decided to only start my actual maternity leave as of the day my baby was to be born.  My gynae and I had decided that going for a voluntary caeserean section would be the safest route for me due to my chronic high blood pressure which seemed to get even  higher with each visit. We set the date for the 13th of July and I arranged that I would take two weeks annual leave and then go onto maternity leave as of the 13th.

Prior to going on leave, I obviously got really busy at the office trying to get as much done as possible before going on leave, which explains my total lack of blogging.

Right, now for the real story.

I was to go for my final scan on the 6th of July, a week before the c-section. Hubby was away for a few days on tour with the band and I decided to go stay with my gran while he was away.  It was probably the most relaxing time I’d had throughout my pregnancy with my gran spoiling me to death. (I got breakfast in bed every morning!!)  Hubby was set to return on the Saturday and I arranged for my grandparents to take me home (I didn’t have my car) late afternoon.

My mom came over to visit in the morning as we were set to go baby shopping before my grandparents would take me home. While we were sitting outside having tea, I realised that I didn’t seem to have any taste on theright side of my tongue and I had severe ear and neck ache. I thought nothing of it, thinking that maybe I had just hurt my neck while sleeping and that it would go away once I was in my own bed again.

My grandparents took my home after a wonderful shopping spree (thanks Mom!!) and I was left to unpack everything and make the house pretty for Hubby’s return.  He arrived home at around 8 that evening, at which time I realised that I had developed pins and needles on the right side of my mouth and I still didn’t seem to have any sense of taste on the right side of my tongue. Again I just brushed it off as a symptom of my sore neck.

The next morning Hubby and I had a chance to sleep (ahem..) in a little and we just lazed around for an hour or so.  I realized though, that the pain in my neck hadn’t gone away, in fact, it seemed worse.  The pins and needles in my mouth had also intensified.  I got out of bed and went to the bathroom to have a glass of water, only to find that the water ran out of my mouth on the right side. I looked up to the mirror to see what was wrong with my face and got the fright of my life.

The entire right side of my face had sagged. I looked like I had had a stroke (which is entirely possible considering my high blood pressure). I had no control over any of the muscles on that entire side. I couldn’t smile or frown at all. I ran back to the room and told Hubby that we needed to get ready to go to the doctor.

An hour later we were on our way to our local GP to see what the problem was.  His diagnosis was almost instant. I had Bell’s Palsy. The entire right side of my face was paralyzed and there was nothing the doctor could do about it because I was pregnant. He advised that I ask my gynae about treatment at my appointment the following day.

What happened the rest of that day is a blur to me.  I think I may have been in shock.

The following morning Hubby and I left for our appointment.  My gynae immediately said that I have Bell’s and to me through to her examination table.  I was still in terrible pain in my right ear and down the side of my neck. This was evident in my elevated blood pressure which obviously freaked my doctor out.  She took my blood pressure one more time and the next moment she sent me down to the labour ward to be admitted.

Everything happened very fast from there. Hubby went home to fetch my hospital bag, just in case, as my doctor said that she was only admitting me for observation but that I should bring my bags anyway. She also had me put on a cortisone drip to start treating the Palsy and had my blood pressure tested every 30 minutes or so. I sent Hubby off to work after a while and told him I’d let him know if there were any new plans.

I spent the rest of the day reading and napping while I waited for the neurologist to come and see me (he never did manage to make it, but I saw him a week later). At around 2 that afternoon, my gynae came to tell me that I would be having an emergency c-section within the next hour and a half. I called Hubby and told him to get to the hospital as soon as possible.

At 3pm I was in a hospital gown, prepped and ready to go into theatre with Hubby in tow. (I’ll tell you all about the actual birth and hospital stay in a separate post.) At 15:30 on the 6th of July 2009 my daughter Sienna Jade was born. She was 4 weeks premature.

She is now 7 weeks old and very healthy and happy. I however still have no control over the right side of my face. The neurologist said it would take about 6-8 weeks for the nerve to heal and for me to regain control of the muscles in my face. Fortunately I don’t have much pain anymore, something that nearly sent me over the edge the second night after Sienna was home.

I’m now waiting patiently for the control to come back to my face so I can smile at my baby for the first time.

I’m terrified.

Things have started happening very fast.  One moment I was still happily swimming in the river of denial, the next I was thrown into the vast barrenness that is reality.

But let me back up a little….

You’ll remember I mentioned briefly that things were a bit iffy with our company.  I never went into details, but the gist of it is that our local office is too small to be cost effective so they would be closing down our branch.  There was a light at the end of the tunnel though, with the possibility of a local investor taking over the responsibilities of our office locally.  He promised to take over everything, including all staff (pregnant staff as well), in return for getting agency rights and setting up a better business model than the one we run currently.

All of this was discussed and decided in the middle of January. We would’ve moved over onto our new boss’ payroll by end January…then we would’ve moved over by end April.  Now we’ve been told that we’re moving over at the end of June. You see a trend here?

In the past week, since head office said that we’re finally doing the shift at the end of the month, things have started changing rapidly.  It seems that we’ll actually be following through with the plans to move over to the other company as we’ve already made arrangements regarding our office space.  This would’ve been fabulous, if it happened 3 months ago…..before I needed to start planning for my maternity leave.

Yesterday, another problem made its appearance. I’d planned to put off talking to my company about my maternity leave until the end of June, thinking that I’ll work until middle July.  That was before I found out that I may not have the option to give birth naturally anymore.  My blood pressure and a few other things are worrying my doctor and she’s making me monitor a few things very closely as well as take even more pills than I’m already taking.  I have to report back in two weeks time, and again two weeks after that. If I don’t show the type of progress she’s looking for, I’ll have no choice but to go for a Caesarean (a fact that I’m not to stressed about, strangely).  I’ve also been told that I have to stop working at the end of June.

The same time that I technically start at a new company…..

So basically, I’m going on maternity leave without an idea as to whether I really do still have a job or not.  Lack of job means lack of salary.  (Not that getting a salary from your employer is compulsory per SA law) The best case scenario is that I get to claim from UIF, but you can only claim for a third of your full monthly salary.  I have bills to pay and I’m scared….more than I could ever had imagined.

I don’t know what to do.

….I’m obsessed with everything Twilight.

Okay, so maybe it’s not quite that bad. I mean, I’m not going to go and buy posters and all the little extra journals and reading companions (okay, maybe one companion…) and all that stuff, but I’m definitely hooked on the story.

So what proof do I have that I may well be obsessed? Well, I got the four books of the saga last week Thursday for my birthday. I finished reading the 3rd book this morning. Only the last one to go.  Also, I went out to buy the soundtrack last night and ordered the 2-disk special edition DVD online this morning.

Oh, and I’m not quite sleeping nearly as much as a pregnant woman should.  Why would I sleep when I can use that time to read.  I seem to be surviving on 4 to 5 hours a night….which is generally unheard of for me, even when not pregnant.

I’m hoping my life will return to normal once I’ve finished the last book. Found closure on the story and all that.

Alternatively, I may need therapy after all.

*Update: It’s Friday, 5 June 2009, a week after my birthday….and I have read all four books.  Now to claw my way back to normality :-)

That’ll teach me to put any sort of faith in what I’m feeling at the moment.

Seems that being pregnant has messed with my head and emotions more than I realised….turns out I’m not all that depressed after all.  I was just having a bad day. Go figure.

My totally miserable mood of Wednesday faded into oblivion on Thursday.  I got so much attention on my birthday that I couldn’t help smiling and feeling loved.  Thanks to everyone for all your well wishes :-)

I got a bunch of awesome gifts.  My mom gave me a George Foreman grill (by request), a close friend gave me a spa voucher (yayness!),  another friend gave me the Paramore Final Riot! CD….and my darling Hubby bought me all four books in the Twilight series!!

I’ve become obsessed with the whole Twilight saga. I can’t get the images from the movie or the theme song out of my head.  I’ve had the books for 4 days and I’ve already finished reading the first two. (having to stop occasionally, as I can’t read with so many tears in my eyes)  I’ve always lived myself very much into whatever story I’m reading at the time, a trait that seems to have gotten more pronounced the older I get.  It’s almost as if I can feel what the characters are feeling at the time…hence my endless tears while reading New Moon.  Anyway…..

I’m glad I’m feeling better though. Being so depressed is exhausting, even if it only lasts a few days.  I much prefer being happy and laughing.  I even ended up making it to Bloggirls on Saturday.  It was great to see Philly_Girl and Angel again, though Ruby and I arrived just too late to see Tamara as well.  It was cool to meet Sass, Melissoo and Boldly Benny as well…hope to see you guys at the next event!

The rest of my weekend was basically spent reading or sleeping, which is quite sad really, though I doubt my current routine will be changing much until I’ve devoured every last page of the Twilight saga.

I may need medical help to cure this obsession……